Summer Recap

At some point, I think everyone has that "summer of weddings" when they attend a couple weddings. Well for me this was my summer. And by a couple, it was 4. Four couples that is. Four weddings in four consecutive weeks. It was somewhat of a whirlwind. I am still processing everything I was a part of and how it was kind of a summer of my life. I closed many chapters in those 4 weeks... Let's start week one off with a bang. 4th of July weekend, State College, Pennsylvania. My brother, Gabe married Liz. It was a great weekend overall. All 9 kids were in one spot for more than 24 hours for the first time in probably a decade. And it was awesome. They are great. Every single one of them. Special moments and lasting memories.

 

Why? Because we are patriotic. 'Merica!

We clean up pretty great, in my humble, biased opinion. Not too shabby. It was so wonderful seeing everyone there. I was sad Luke wasn't there. It still felt like we weren't all there. I felt myself waiting for him to pop up from behind Dan or he and Isaac to be debating something. I guess it was somewhat of a relief to feel like his absence doesn't go away.
P.S. My parents are incredible people. My mom is just stunning, you guys. Absolutely stunning. She radiates her inside self even more so since she let her hair go grey and embraced this stage of her life. And man, my daddy looks good with a beard. :)

Wedding 2. Hebron, Nebraska (town we were living in when Luke died)
Alyssa&Eric

 

Alyssa and I lived about a mile from each other and her brother, Dan and my brother, Luke were buds. They both had little sisters so decided to tell us we needed to all be friends. So we did. It was a pleasure to be in Alyssa's wedding. I saw many people from my past I haven't seen in about 12 years and it was great to have more closure from that chapter of my life. Plus, Alyssa is full of life and love so it was a great, fun, bright wedding.

Wedding #3, Concordia, Missouri

Ashely and Adam

 

This lovely shot is from the hometown wedding. Ashley and Adam were classmates of mine from high school. This was a beautiful wedding through and through. They have been together for 9 years, so to be a part of their special love was truly a treat. It was in my hometown so I got to catch up with some old chums, so that was nice. It also made me realize, I am okay with my life in Omaha and I couldn't wait to get back to it. 

And to round it all up. One of the most fun weddings I have been to in a LONNNG time! Partially because I was just able to be a guest but also because it was seriously just that much fun. Lawrence, Kansas - Nathan & Sammi

Nathan is my sister in law, Erin's brother. I grew up knowing the Tietz's so it was great to celebrate them with the next best thing to my own family.  That is my niece, Phalen sticking her finger in their wedding cake. She had been telling them all summer that she was going to, so in the end, Success!! 

And so it came to pass that I survived all my weddings and somehow managed to live to see another day.

Desiring God

So it has come to my attention that as Christians we should go through a process of desiring God. (What a thought huh?) A process of wanting Him in our lives and for Him to work for us and through us. Pause. Hop on struggle bus and slide up to the driver seat. That is where you will find me. Driving the whole thing around. Desiring God. I feel like I do desire God and I want His plan for my life to be played out. Right? That is what I want.
I recently told a friend of mine struggling with keeping Christ as her focus to continue to pursue Christ and He will give her the desires of her heart. How is it that I can give such advise to everyone else but struggle so much with such things myself? Firstly, what ARE the desires of my heart? What do I actually want Christ to do for me and work in my life? I am so good about just blindly following Christ(which in a way is what He tells us to do). I let cynicism take root to where I am just indifferent to most any and everything because hey! God's got this. Then I get frustrated and go on tangents of passionate Christ following and discipline. Where and how can I find a way to balance that out? Oh right, by digging deep in to Scripture. I know this. I know that is what I need to do, but here is the thing. I AM NOT DOING IT! I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know!!! I know what I need to do but what and why am I not doing it??????? I keep asking myself, what's missing? What is it? What is it going to take until I have been humbled enough, pride stripped enough to totally let go and let God have control of my life. I know I don't always give it up to Him. I know I put a lot of my eggs into the baskets of those I see and can speak to here on earth and don't rely on Christ but the people He has put in my life. At first, I saw this as an incredible gift God put people in to my life to show me how much He loves me. And yes, it IS a glorious gift. However, He loves me more than that. He loves me through Himself alone. Which should satisfy me. That should be enough. It is enough, yet why do I hold back? Why do I hesitate? What am I so afraid of? Am I afraid giving Him total control of my life means He may let me get hurt again? That He might let someone else I love die because they no longer are needed on this earth? I think maybe. I think I might be scared of that. What if something comes out of left field  I am not prepared for? What if something comes and blindsides me again and I can't take it. What if I totally crumbled and can't get back up? How can I think I serve a God who couldn't pull me back up? That all these wonderful people He put in my life won't raise me up and support me when I decide to let Him have my life. I do believe that. I want to believe that. I am just scared. I am scared and I am a coward. I am Peter who doubts and I am sinking in the water. I see His hand outreached and I need to take it, letting Jesus have control of my sink or swim life.
Lord, I need you. I need you to help me give it all to you. Truly all of it. I want you to have it all. Be my all and my everything. I struggle with having the control. Being prepared and ready for when life gives me heartache is a wall I put up long ago when I was mad at you and I told myself I let it fall, but I don't think I did. Forgive me for this shortcoming. Take me and mold me in to your servant, Lord. I want to desire you and have the desires of my heart be those that glorify you.