Definition

What defines an individual? There are so many options to choose from its almost as if someone is creating their own sandwich. Which constantly changes doesn't it? So if we re always changing how can one truly define themselves? I can't even say that being a brunette "defines" me. Lets say tomorrow I dye my hair blonde. Brunette no longer fits my said definition. Regardless, you see my point. You could even go as far as to pose the question of "what defines a definition?" I feel as if I am constantly RE defining myself. I won't lie. It's kind of exhausting. My current pitches have been all curve lately and it's causing a bit of confusion in my mind. For once though, I can safely say these come from a strict logical sense and not the typical emotional roller coaster ride. A friend asked me today "who are you??" Of course this was in reference to my recent boost in cooking skills but it led me to really look in the mirror once more and ask the question. Logically, I am Grace Joy Dahlke, born to Reverend James and Claudia Dah... Blah blah blah. But I'm serious here. How does one define themself?
I don't have answers to the ever so many questions. So I will give you some facts. Facts, I believe and know to be true in my heart. I am loved by a God so much that just simply promising me a perfect kingdom wasn't enough. He felt the need to prove it. And proving it meant allowing the world to define His one and only Son. Jesus was and is defined by the world as a hypocrite, a liar and a poser. He was scoffed at and ridiculed because God wanted to show me He means I business when it comes to His love. That my friends is a definition I am willing to be ok with. I have always viewed God as this loving character and not so much the strict Old Testament God we ve read about. And maybe this is where I stumble the most. I know the law and gospel go hand in hand so why can't I just love like the gospel and leave the law to God? Where do we find the balance of loving each other yet fufilling our duty to call each other into repentance? In James it says God is a judging but is also merciful. And that mercy trumps judgement. So where does it all find peace?

Letter to a Love unknown

Dearest Loved,
Wherever you are, whoever you are, know you are loved. Loved in a way that is stronger than any other love. Strong enough to conquer every hard day and trial to come. You are loved more every day that passes. The days that are the hardest are those that my love is the greatest. I wait for the day you emerge from the shadows and take a full form in my mind.  Every night brings me joy in knowing the next morning is another day closer to you. My prayers are that you are safe and want for nothing.
                   To the other half of my heart, love and be loved.
             

Trying to make of it

  A dump of the overture of negative emotions and thoughts that run through my head daily.

*A world of options. They seem to be endless these days. Is this a bad thing? Absolutely not. Are they what I expected? Not even close. I keep trying to tackle this world I live in with the mindset of what I have learned thus far. I keep thinking I will have this moment where it all makes sense. A second of clarity. All it is is more options. More questions. More turns. I never would have thought I would be where I am today. Ever. I never knew where my life would lead really so I guess this shouldn't be all that surprising. Keep in mind I am in fact referring to more than "here" as living in Omaha, Nebraska in my brother's basement. (:

*Understanding. Educating. Learning. Reacting. Listening. Hearing. Speaking. Living.

*Knowledge.

*We are who we make ourselves correct? We are given a free will to make choices. God is all knowing. He made us. He created our lives. So did He give us a starting and ending point and lets us choose how to get there or has He already made those decisions for us?

*My brain refuses to let go. It won't accept what I know to be true and just let what is, be. I don't even know what is real and what was. It hurts. And I hate it.

*Understanding is a concept I am becoming irritated with. I feel as if I do not understand ANYTHING. Like literally nothing. I feel like an idiot 99.9% of the time.

*Not worrying or thinking has never been my strong point and I seem to have burned some bridges with people who could always help me process "the crazy" sooooooooooooooooooooo that sucks.

*When and where does it become okay to ask for help?  Why do we have this constant struggle with allowing ourselves to be vulnerable? And by we, I mean me. I am so painfully aware of the constant desire I have to talk things through. Goes back to that damn understanding. I don't understand. I don't understand how I know so much yet know nothing at all.

*I suck. Its pretty much a known fact by nearly every one I have known. I flake. I am over emotional. I exagerate most everything. I am in your face. I talk a lot. I can get loud. I love to hug people. I don't always say things I should and always say things I shouldn't. So sorry I suck.

*I am ready to let go of a weight that has been on me for over a decade. Literally. Its time to say goodbye once and for all.

*Woof. I hate dump sessions. They are exhausting. Happy Friday Ya'll.