22

Well. Today is my birthday. Twenty two years I have breathed on this earth. As I look back on my life, one word keeps coming up. I pick through all the good times, sad times, bad times and it still remains the same. I have been given so much. Some of it I took advantage of, some I let slip through my fingers, and even some was taken from me. The copious amounts of lessons learned stack higher and higher as each day comes to a close. I look at even the past 365 days of my life and I am amazed at where I now stand. Every single day, I am introduced to new limits I can push myself to and more knowledge I thought I would never learn. And I am no where NEAR where I want to be. This is only the beginning. It is hard to look back and feel like I have come so far and am still waiting. Yet when I look at the details, I know I am right where I need to be. Here and now. I stand in humble awe at all I have been given. It would be easy to say that life still sucks and is hard and today I still feel the weight of loneliness on my shoulders, but it is easier to say I live a beautiful life filled with so many people I love more than anything. I am provided for every single day and want for nothing. I am free to love and be loved. It doesn't get much better than that. Words can't begin to cover just how many people I have in my life that encourage me and love me. No two words can describe any of this. Only one truly suffices. Blessed.

From A to B

There are few words to further explain my devotion the other night. This one hit like a ton of bricks. I'm struggling with control again as always. Wanting to control my life and giving it all up to God again. I spent the weekend at my parents with a couple of my siblings. Being with them is always so amazing. However, I always feel like as I drive away, I am shown just how far off I am in my own life. They keep me grounded, but how can I do it myself apart from them? How can I fight my insecurities and all the evil without constantly having them by my side? I deal with a lot of guilt. A guilt of being a burden on people in my life and making the wrong decision. I often feel like a small child constantly being reprimanded.  I don't want to be a child anymore when I have worked so hard to be an adult. I guess it's all just part of getting from A to B.