Disheartened

Dishearten: (verb) to take away the enthusiasm of 

So this past week was a doozy. I have felt a grey cloud over me and a disheartened spirit. I ended up getting sick again with a head cold along with all three of the kids I take care of. That was frustrated as we ALL had just had strep less than a month ago. I guess that's expected post antibiotics but nonetheless, disheartening. 

I have felt my heart transform the past couple months as Christ took full residence there. What an amazing time it has been seeing my desires change and holiness enter into my life through the Spirit. Wow. With that though has come this adjustment to not desiring such worldly things. It has made me more self aware and insecure as I have no control over these areas of my life anymore. So with all the good, I have felt so small and insecure in myself. Humility was the only level of pridelessness I have ever experienced. This is a whole new level. So with that, I have been disheartened. 

I miss my parents. Much more than normal lately. I think this child like newness I feel in my life makes me crave nurturing from them. They are so available and only a phone call away, but the distance and their lack of physical appearance in my life these days are just disheartening. 

There was an incident last week with a girlfriend of mine and a boy that left some hurt feelings all around. Don't be misled, it was a very juvenile incident. With all the effort I had been putting in to try cultivating strong female relationships to only be set back by a silly boy is nothing short of disheartening. 

Disheartenment (whoa, big word) is something that comes with the ins and outs of life. I am not stuck here nor think there is only doom in my future. It's actually quite the opposite. This past week of being so disheartened has only reminded me of the constant pursual Christ has on my heart. My church recently released a cd and we celebrated in worship tonight. I'll write about that in the next couple days as it is so deserving of a whole post. Blessings on your week, friends! Cheers! 

One Week In

So here I find myself already a week into my "unsocial year." The first couple days were alarming consumed by my brain mentally checking in on Facebook and Instagram. My phone is now one consolidated screen and I find myself scrolling to the nonexistent other screen anytime I am using it. It's quite annoying. I found myself putting my phone down and walking away in defiance of a device consuming me so much. The biggest difference I have found is I was bored..for the first time in YEARS! Like I sat down and went..well what now? Which led me to pick up a book and in just one week I finished a 500+page book, started a "reading through the bible in a year" plan, began journaling again and just generally found myself in a better mood. Once I lifted my head up and out of the big world, I looked and my small world around me came into focus. And it's a great world, people. I don't think all of these things are tied in directly to social media, but it does speak volumes to my discipline. Which we knew was lacking. It has only increased my drive to simplify my life and enjoy those in front of me. So one week down, 51 to go and 2015 is still looking bright!! I have not regrets and am still claiming this next year to be my best yet!