Ireland and Beta Radio

Two things on my mind that just won't go away.

So I recently had the urge to drop everything in August when my contract is up and travel the world. I was pretty set on it for about 36 hours. Unfortunately, these last six months has caused me to become "responsible" and try not to fly by the seat of my pants. Stupid maturity. So I have come to an agreement with myself that instead I will just go to Ireland. I want to travel again so bad. Its been like 9 months since I had a good hit of international travel. I am starting to feel the jitters.

Beta Radio is a new band my brother, Jake introduced me to. I must say, I am head over heals in love. Folksy and dreamy, they allow me to just close my eyes and allow my mind to drift away from the disaster that is my day to day life. Their sound is so melodious as I fall asleep that lately I have been dreaming of my childhood and people I have been out of contact for years have all of a sudden popped back into my life. Granted, I will give God the credit for those happenings, yet I still love listening to them. I highly recommend them to any and all who enjoy a good sound of soul music.

Home and Decisions to be made.

Just when you think you have your life figured out...you don't.

Hmmm...Wow, the depth of that statement caused me to stagger a bit.

I have a long list of decisions to make when I get back from Christmas break. I want the next 48 hours to go as quickly as possible, and then after that slow down to snail speed. I cannot begin to explain how much I need to be home. To actually reside in a "home" again is something I have looked forward to since the moment I left my grandparents a few weeks ago. You take advantage of what living in a home really means until you just live in a house. So yeah, I live in a beautiful, million dollar house, but I would take our 2 bedroom/5 people house on Gordon Street in Concordia because it was an actual home. So as I stare into my mind and try to picture my future, the things I have learned these past 6 months glare back at me and remind me to focus on what is most important. I have been blessed with so many supportive people who have been guiding and helping me through these first stages of adulthood. I am just sad they don't live closer to me...
It snowed today for the first time in weeks. I felt like a kid in a candy store. I actually started to cry a bit because I wanted snow so bad. I was getting a little depressed living in Colorado in December and it being 70 degrees out.

My Rocks

I don't even know where to really begin.

I have these 2 ladies in my life and well...they are kind of awesome

They give the greatest advice, share the best stories and produce some really good looking children. 

They have always pushed me to be myself and remain grounded in what I know is right in my heart. 

As I started off on this new journey called "adulthood," they have been my "lights at the end of the many tunnels" I have gone through thus far. I thank God every day for them and the wonderful women they are. I couldn't be blessed with better role models. 

Who are these mystery women? 

They are my sisters. And well, they are my rocks. So when life starts giving me a hard time, I am gonna just take my rocks and throw them at it. With pride, I can say that "My rocks are better than your rocks." :) 

Joy

Let your hearts be joyful and your voices sing praise.

I can't say that I am always happy. I am at a place in my life where I'm torn between whats best for me or whats best for others. Naturally, I think the advise would be to take care of yourself, however something is holding me back. Although I struggle to admit that I am "happy" where I am at, lately I have felt this joy and peace in my heart. So although I can't be happy, I am joyful to be blessed as I have been since moving to Colorado. I have found a church that I love, A wonderful, little coffee house where the owner knows me by name(don't laugh, he has great coffee!), a great view of the mountains every day, and fresh mountain air that I can't get enough of. So yeah, maybe my life isn't ideal and always easy, but I've got joy in knowing how much God loves me and is with me no matter what. He has become my best friend of late(even more than my computer :) ) and I love where I'm at. There are times where even when I'm having the worst day with the girls, it doesn't matter because I am loved.

There is this great song by Alli Rogers called "Who is this God?"
Who is this God that loves me still?
This love that keeps me safe when I run when I am young and foolish
Out of the dark that hides my face, I am coming apart you say my name
The ties of love you lead me out of the dark that hides my face
Who is this God that loves me still?
This love that heals me when I am bound when I am found and humbled
The love, you lead me, you bend to feed me, taught me to walk
who is this God that loves me still? This love that finds me when I am lost although it cost you everything.

A Peaceful Heart

Tonight I fall to sleep with a peaceful mind and heart. God is on my side therefore nothing else matters. I've kept Him in the shadows lately for some reason. Things make more sense now that the light is shining through Him. In a way, the turn around came from someone I am so very fond of named Allison Page. She is and always has encouraged me from "a far." Being her friend on Facebook daily gives me encouragement. She lives and breaths her faith every day. She happens to be a nanny as well which is another reason I am drawn to her. She posted a song called "What Love Really Means" by JJ Heller sometime last week. I just bought JJ's entire album including that song this afternoon. I highly recommend this song to any and all readers. Grab a tissue.
Life seems a little less harsh and scary when you have someone to guide the way. Don't get me wrong, I love "flying by the seat of my pants," yet I feel more safe knowing who controls which direction the wind blows. :) 
A special shout out to my cuz, Noelle as well. She really encouraged me last week when I was super down and reminded me that even if some are absent and silent, they are still there. Thank you for getting me through another week, Nelly!
So as my mother so wonderfully and faithfully has said my entire life, "May the peace of the Lord be with You." He certainly is with me tonight. 

This is the story of a boy

Eight years ago on this day, a boy turned 16. Sweet 16. One of the biggest birthdays in a teenage boy's life. You're growing out of your awkward stage, your interest in girls is getting higher which works out perfectly because you can finally drive that awesome new truck or car you worked all summer to pay for. Sixteen. A good year. However, for this particular boy, he wouldn't be driving that car or taking the girl out on a date. He was laying in a hospital bed eating gummy bears and sipping on "some brewskies" aka root beer. Some guys would pout and throw a fit about having to spend their sweet sixteen in the hospital and how much life sucked etc. Not this boy. He made every nurse and doctor who walked through his doorway laugh and smile like it was going out of style. No matter how sick he got or how awful things seemed, he managed to smile. He was in the hospital waiting for a heart and double lung transplant. Every day was potential for the life altering surgery. This day came about a month later. This boy got his heart and double lung transplant. The doctors were worried he was to weak and wouldn't have the strength for recovery. He assured them, he wouldn't let them down. They said his new heart was 1/3 the size of his old one. I guess the saying "He has such a big heart" wasn't too far off track. He came out of surgery great and the next few weeks to follow looked promising. This boy knew he would soon be out hunting again, driving his own car and living up his sweet sixteen.  The future was bright and looked for his next big birthday milestones, 18..21...25...

The end of this story is not one most would expect. This boy died a month after his transplant due to pneumonia and some other complications. Some might say this is a sad story and how cut short his life was. That is not the point. This boy would be 24 today, yet I would have to say that he lived a fuller 16 years than anyone has in 24. A saying has stuck with me the past 8 years and it fits him perfectly.
"Tell me how he died."
"I will tell you how he lived." 
So next time you eat a gummy bear or sip some root beer, say a cheers to a boy who lived his 16 years to the fullest.
I love you, Luke. Happy Birthday Big Brother!

SNOW!!!!

I am currently watching the first snow of the year fall and I must admit...I AM STOKED!!!!

It started with cloudy skies this morning, turned into rain, then sleet and now the flakes are growing by the minute into big fluffy snow!!! It is BEAUTIFUL!

The girls are napping so I took advantage of making a cup of peppermint tea, putting on some Buble(My modern day, Sinatra) and dancing around the kitchen watching the snow fall. I am on top of the world.

I love winter. My perfect serenity is a cabin in the middle of the mountains where there is no facebook, no TV, just a good book, good company and plenty of coffee and cocoa. I drove to Grand Junction for the weekend so I got to go through the incredible mountain pass. So in perfect zen of serenity, my cabin would be in the upper hills of Vail.  My cabin would be a mix of dark browns, reds and whites with an occasional splash of evergreen. Perfection. So if you can't find me, I'll most likely be in my imaginary cabin in Vail.

I love being outside.  For some reason I love getting bundled up and going out when it is snowing. I don't necessarily need to be playing in the snow, just standing there as it falls around me. What a wonderful day of dreaming and wishing. :D Have no doubt, I am in a happy place this day.

Elevator Life

So in the elevator that is my life. We are currently going up. Making peace takes a weight off the heart. I don't know if I have readers or not, but if I do. Please pray. Pray for me to get back on board with God's plan and to start trusting His plan. I may be patient when it comes to kids, however I have zero when it comes to my own life. Lord, thank you for those in my life who have read between the lines and have been there for me the past few days and weeks. And bless those who have put up with my insanity more than once and is still willing to forgive me when I make BIG mistakes. Food for thought... A little crazy is ok, but once you give yourself a little room for extra craziness, you become "that" person. And lets be honest. No one, not even you, likes that person.
I am more than a conquerer through Him who loves me and I WILL conquer this.

Random thoughts on a beautiful Fall day.

I love Fall. It is so beautiful with the snow covering the mountains and colors changing into the prettiest shades of orange, red and yellow. The deer are out more often, there is a herd of about 17-20 that gather in the back gulch. The sun sets at a perfect hour. The chilly air allows me to snuggle up in my blankets at night...And hot drinks.. Lots and lots of hot drinks. Oh and if you are reading this, living in the Parker, Colorad area, the first snow is coming November 21st. :) The coffee shop I hang out in has a pool going and that is my day so cross your fingers! :)

I feel if I can keep my spirits up, I can make it through. Things are looking up. After the past two weeks, I can take a deep breath, say a prayer and begin baby steps to my future. To be honest.. I am so excited about my 5 year plan. I am slowly ticking things off my list to get it all jump started. I need to keep telling myself "now is the time to get this and that done." Its an ideal time for me to financially however my emotional state is being tested to the limits.

 I can't wait to start school again. I miss learning. I want to do well in all my classes because I really really want this internship with Tom's shoes. I want to order my next pair soon. How cool would it be to someday own nothing but Tom's? And a pair of running shoes..naturally. Hmm...the possibilities.

I am super excited for Thanksgiving . I am going down to Yuman, Arizona to be with my Grandma and Grandpa Koller. Soooooo excited to see them. Can't remember the last time I saw them... We are going to spend a day or two in Mexico too which is awesome!! Time is picking up speed, I can feel it. Before you know it, I will be telling you how my trip to Yuma was and how excited I am for Christmas break.

Impossible...

After attempting to start my 3rd blog.. I decided I should just write that I am extremely exhausted, burned out and want nothing more than to curl up in my mom's arms and cry. So that being said, I think I will try and sleep off my high and out strung emotions. Goodnight.

Emotions and Letting Go

Ugh.....
How is it I seem to relapse to my dramatic childhood habit of allowing emotions to get the best of me.
Stupid...stupid..stupid stupid stupid... Emotions cause you to do stupid things...like make dumb phone calls...
I have spent a good deal of my life building a wall. This wall around myself shuts all my emotional turmoil inside. If someone was to ask me what my greatest fear was, I would tell them that everyone would know what was really behind it. Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am pretty open about what emotions I am feeling..but this is different. Hidden there is everything... From my struggles as a child, to Luke, to my mommy issues, to my Grandpa, to my greatest insecurities, to my health status, to my hopes and dreams..those  that I DON'T share with everyone, oh yeah, there is more than I say. Its all there. My friend, Jen asks me how I always know what to say and how I give the greatest advice. I tell her its because it isn't about me. I could use a dose of my own advise more than once a day, yet I just can't bring myself to dig that deep.
I have this theory that kids in high school put on this show about what really goes on inside their hearts and minds. I mean, think about those who "all of a sudden" bring a gun to school or commit suicide. I finally admitted to my mother just recently that I was one of those kids. Granted, I never was at the level of guns or suicide, nevertheless, I played quite the role. I feel like I've done this since about 6th grade to be precise. Even those closest to me have only seen bits and pieces of this inner sanctum.  Yet along the way somehow one person got through... and that scares the crap out of me. I hate it. I hate that they've seen the one place I can be raw and definitely crazy. Sure, I'm pretty vulnerable but not like this. This goes beyond knowing your weaknesses.  And they don't even know it..nor do they want it.. AT ALL.
So as I try and build an inner wall inside my wall to shut this person out, it keeps falling down and my heart gets attacked..and hurt. over and over again. And it sucks. I'm scared. Really, really scared. And I don't know of what or why.
The Devil strikes again. I know that I need to drag my mangled heart to the Lord and let Him rebuild it and make it whole, but it hurts. Its hard. Letting go completely means I lose control....and that I don't have to be so strong... If I'm strong, no one has to worry or take care of me... I guess I feel like being strong is part of growing up and that I am "on my own." And to give that up somehow makes me feel like I can't do it... that I failed.
Yet, somehow...I will run out of tears to cry, my cup of tea will be empty and I will crawl into bed. The sun will rise tomorrow and it will all be as it was. Because that is what I do. I open the door and allow this blog out and then close it back up because I can't deal with it anymore. I feel like giving up a burden to God is like sinning. You have to give it up again and again..and again...and again.
So I guess this is my loving repeat of me giving it all up to God. I just want it to be gone.. I don't want to have such a heavy heart to carry around...
We are more than conquers through Him who loves us...

13'er!!

I got to hike my first mountain this weekend. We started at 10,000 ft and climbed a mile up to 13,000 ft. About every 20 yards we had to stop and take a breath. So incredible and so worth it.

 I am super hardcore!

A-MAZ-ING!
I am so pumped about living in Colorado now. This is what it is really about. I want to go camping SOOOO bad now. I don't think I'll get it in before winter sets in since you can see the snow is already present. A group was camping at the bottom of the trail and some guys decided to take a dip in the resevoir. Stupid, yet hilarious to watch. I can't begin to thank Jodie and Steve enough for taking me! I want to hike all the time now. I have next weekend off to, so I need to figure out something "Colorado" to do. YAY!

Going Back!

Ok, So I guess you can't consider it "going back" if you have "never been" but who cares. I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL! Or more properly put, I am going to college. I have fought it for ehhhhhh about 2 years now. I didn't want to go, I felt like it was a waste of time and money for what? A social life and get a degree that was for what? With the help of my ever faithful sister Sarah, I figured that I am finally ready not because I found a degree I want but more so a job that I want and so now I know what degree to get to match that. It worked out perfectly for more reasons than I thought. I was young for the class I graduated for so technically I am right on task. Going to nanny school was perfect. I can now have a job to pay my way through school and to also give me security as I come out of school. I won't have to worry about getting a job right away etc. So if I actually have any readers out there, you are probably wondering what and how this came about. I will back track.

Earlier this week I ordered my first pair of "Tom's." Super exciting. They are a shoe brand and was started along with a foundation called One for One. I highly recommend supporting them. For every one pair of shoes sold, one pair is given to a child in need. Anyways,  I was puttzing around their site and found that they have an internship program. The jobs range from web design to human relations jobs. The one that caught my eye, PR. I cannot even begin to tell you how badly I want that PR internship. However, you need to currently be in college or fresh out. I now have a goal and a reason to spend the time and $ on a degree. My nanny schedule is more than perfectly set up for me to attend some community college classes during the day and have my evenings to work.  I have the perfect set up for it.  God had a plan from the beginning... Seeing in unfold makes me stand back a little in awe.

Those of you who have talked to me at all in the past month know how I went on and on about being 19 stuck in a 24 yr olds world. I would complain about wanting to do 19 yr old things and have a social life yadda yadda yadda yadda. Well guess what people? I am going to be 19 and go to school. I probably won't have time for a social life nor be able to do "19 yr old things," whatever that may be? However, I am gonna do what I need to be doing. If you can't tell, I am a little excited about all of this. Please pray that it all works out according to God's plan. I am in His hands. Always have been and always will be. To HIM be all the glory and praise. Amen amen, I say to you AMEN!!

If this is what Joy feels like.. I'll take it over happiness any and every day.

Memories of Home

What is it about home that makes us feel so warm and gooey inside? 

Here are a few memories and thoughts that come to mind when I think of my home..

• Sunday naps on the family room couch
• Curling up in a blanket with Ma for long talks on the parents bed
• Cup of coffee and the twinkling stars on the back deck
• The sound of Satan's crow in the morning that is so piercing I could hear it in my bomb shelter of a room.
• Dad walking back from church whistling and doing his snap clap hand gesture
• The smell of baking bread when I came home from school
• Grandma writing letters at the kitchen table
• Hearing Grandpa's walker race down the hallway
• Laying on the short couch chatting with Isaac and Katrina, who were curled up on the big one
• Coming up the stairs to see Isaac doing homework in the family room, Seth on the computer and Ma and Dad playing cards with Jed curled up on the kitchen floor
• Dad stroking his beard at the computer while typing a sermon 
• Finally giving in to the begging for cookie dough after school or late at night
• Quoting movies or tv shows at dinner
• Listen to Dad whistle the theme song from "Scrubs" when Ma has forbidden we us not to watch that show
• Seeing Ma sit at her coffee table doing her devotions

Here are a few older ones from the Concordia house

• Racing to meet Dad at lunchtime as he walked home from school
• Playing basketball in the basement using a ice cream bucket as the hoop
• Singing the Pink Panther theme song every time we saw the Pink Panther Insulation logo from the basement
• Thinking that under the basement stairs was the best hiding place for Hide n Seek even if it was the 200th game. 
• Lady giving birth to puppies in the kitchen by the garage door
• Going mud sliding in the back lot while Ma stood on the porch yelling at us to come in every time she saw lightening and then fighting for showers afterwards
• Foreign students staying with us for Christmas..there were so many
• Getting a new Disney movie every Christmas
• Building gingerbread houses and having Grandpa come and smash them
• Walking in puddles every time it rained
• Playing wiffle ball and football in the back lot
• "The Fort"-enough said

I could go on and on.. 

It is nice to be able to really stop and think about so many great memories. So much has changed since the house in Concordia, yet so has it in Ernestville as well. The greatest thought is knowing Ma and Dad have remained constant through it all. I thank God every day for my parents. 

"The greatest journey always brings you home." 

Weddding

This weekend I had the privilege and honor to go to my second cousin's wedding in Milwaukee. The wedding was one of the most fun I had ever been to. This was for many reasons. Not only was it planned to perfection, it was with none other than the Herrmann clan. :D Those of you who aren't fortune enough to know them, let me tell you, wherever they are, happiness and laughter abounds. Those of you who are my friends on Facebook, check out the videos. That is the only way to partially describe the events.

The wedding was so beautiful. And different!!! It was so perfect for Angie though. For example, when we arrived at the hotel she had a gift package full of some of her and Scott's favorite things about Milwaukee included 4 cans of the most popular beers in the city. Followed by a fully color coded folder full of EVERYTHING. There was the running joke of the weekend about where the "Red Folder" was. She has been waiting for this for so long...It was wonderful. On top of that, my 90 year old Grandma was the flower girl. She did so great. I was so happy to be back with my Mom and Dad as well. There is just something I so enjoy about my mother. I assume we have passed my adolescent relationship with her and now have a true friendship. She is so much fun and I just love her so very dearly. My dad and I got to dance to Frank Sinatra which might have been the cherry on top of my fabulous weekend! I haven't laughed and smiled and been so happy in a while as I was this weekend with those I love so dearly.

Can't wait for next weekend :D : D

Football

    

I am not all that different than most people in the world right now, yet I have to get this off my chest....

I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!! 

If I had to go back and be forced to choose something else other than Nanny School, I would have gone and been a college football manager. I loved managing SO much. I miss it every day. I have spent most of my day watching college football in the backround of my daily duties for work. I watched Nebraska kick Washington's butt, while being envious of Jake and Erin being at that game. I watched Ohio State blow out Ohio a.k.a the "Posey Bowl" and I watched on edge while Michigan State proved to be the better team vs. Notre Dame in an incredible OT win. Did I mention, I LOVE FOOTBALL! 

I wish with all my heart I could justify going to college for a social life and to be a part of sports teams again. I miss Friday nights like nothing else.... 

ESPN has had PAC 10 commercials running most of the day and I get goosebumps every time.  Ah, to get pumped and feel the adrenaline before a game or after a big W... 

Kenny Chesney has a new song called, "The Boys of Fall." I wanted to cry the first time I heard the intro... So powerful. 

I am jealous my sister, Sarah gets to root on not only a college team every week, but her hubby behind the team all the way. Go Bulldogs!!!! 

Basically, I will live vicariously through everyone who gets the opportunity to have Friday Night Lights....... 

Recap and Retrievers

Right....So lets recap last nights depressed attempt at writing out my frustrations...

On second thought, lets just let that one die in a fiery pit.

As promised, the sun rose today and it was a beautiful day. One week til I get to see my parents and sassy Grandma in Milwaukee for what might be the craziest wedding of 2010. SOOOOO excited.

I went to my favorite coffee shop earlier this evening and there in the doorway was theeeee sweetest golden retriever laying there. It was wearing a bandana and everything. To accompany her was a matching adorable old man on a cell phone who managed to talk to whoever was on the other end and comment on each and every person that even looked at his dog. He told me to go ahead and pet her because thats what they come there for. This fed my desire for a canine. I want a golden retriever SO bad. I might push myself to get my own apartment just so I can finally have my own dog. My fellow nanny, Jodie has one of the best trained dogs I know. She wants a golden retriever too, so between the two of us, I think we can make it happen sooner than later. If she gets one first, Ill come spoil hers and vice versa. I think I figured out how I am going to meet people as well. Jodie's boyfriend, Steve works at this animal shelter in Denver. She thinks I would love it and since I love animals, I can't see why not. Plus, this might open the doors for me to adopt my golden. :)

    

So I guess you call it official puppy love..

F.M.L

It is the end of the day and I am not at all in a good mood. It is one of those days that I want to tell everyone to shove it and crawl in a dark hole of self pity. Why I have these intense emotions of despair? Nooooooo idea. Which frustrates me more. You imagined having this picture at the top of this blog to lead to sweet, poetic words of joy and beauty...ehhhh not so much. It is more my reminder that better things exist. Do you ever have that feeling that you know you shouldn't feel some way and yet you feel it anyways? Yeah.. I'm there.. Lame.
Something that ticks me off is people.... some people have such nerve about stuff it is ridiculous. Others are so pathetic it makes me feel sorry for them. Then some think they are so smart they get a big kick in the ass by their own naivety.....Anyways..this is my sunset on my bad attitude. Tomorrow will come with new light, clean air and a better outlook on this crappy thing called life. Good night. 

Hard as Nails

The Dahlkes...well the girls atleast are known for our nail biting/picking. Horrid, horrid habit, yes. However, in our defense its a compulsive disorder not a disgusting one....

Ever since I was in Portland last year, I have been trying my hardest to stop this horrid habit.  My mother thinks its hereditary til we reach about eh...70. I guess my grandma was that way as well. I am determined to beat the genes. I have realized however, no matter how much I work on them to keep them hard and clean, I only let them reach a certain length before I trim them down. I just flat out don't like having long nails. I feel as if they limit what I can do. When I got fake nails for prom or any other special occasion, the acrylic is suppose to last like what, atleast 2 weeks? Give me one before I had either filed them down or ripped them off. Hopeless.


I must give myself a pat on the back for being better than I used to. My nails are still very short and you can tell I pick at them, but they are sooo much better than before. My goal is to try and get them to a point where I can go get a manicure with my real nails and see if that helps...I am currently aiming for when I go home in a few weeks... Here's to all you nail biters. I refuse to continue for another 50 years!!

Camping and Concerts

I want to go camping SO bad.

I live in Colorado for goodness sake, and winter is coming quickly. I am torn because I want to go so bad yet I am still so new I have no one to go with. I want to go hiking in the mountains and explore the beautiful land I now live in. I also am reaching a point where I soon won't be able to go to a Red Rocks concert. Still searching for a fellow The National lover who will go to the Oct. concert with me..

Solution to listed issues: Meet more people.

Plan to reach solution.......

• Take a college course or two
• Go some sports event no matter how awkward it may be
• Continue to go to the same places over and over until I have the guts to talk to pple
• Visit a few more churches (I love the one I am at though...)
• Get a part time job in the mornings
• Join some sort of  class (knitting, ceramics, cooking)
• Walk around aimlessly w a shirt that says "Hi, Im Grace, Will you be my friend?"

Problem is I just don't know how to go about this...

End Result: Dead end and frustrated. 

My Saving Grace

Nothing like just finishing cleaning up dinner and settling down for a cup of hot peppermint tea when all of a sudden you find yourself rushing around waking up "G" because you have to take the baby, "D" to the E.R.

Scary night. My saving grace...a 2 year old. She was a total rock star. "D," 9 month old that I work with as a nanny had some sort of reaction to her Flu and Hep. B shot she had previously today. A 17 lb baby with acid reflux throwing up everything in her stomach and more is quite frightening. She was also running a fever and began to reaction to sudden change in body temperature. I have never seen a baby so pale.


As I rushed into the 2 yr old's room and told her she needed to wake up she greets me with a hello and a whats up. I told her we were going on an adventure and that she could bring her blanket and Barney. She smiled and says in an adorable voice, "Okay!" She realizes it is still dark out as we rush down the stairs and she says, "Its dark out. Barney doesn't like the dark. I am going to give him cuddles and make him feel better." She was so great all the way to the hospital and 20 minutes later when we left to go home, she couldn't have been a better child. This is all so wonderful and surprising because on a normal day to day before this past week, she was a holy terror and we all waited on edge waiting for her next screaming escapade. God truly is good.

Still don't know much info on the baby yet. They are going to keep her overnight.

Lord, I ask that you be with the doctors and nurses as they tend to little "D." Also give Steph a peace about her that she may trust those around her and know not only is she in good hands at a hospital but that her child is in Your Hands. Thank you for Jodie. She is Steph's saving grace and knows exactly what to do to pull the entire family through. Thank you for giving "G" the sense to know something was wrong and be the gem you created her to be. Both of these girls are so special. I ask that you guard and keep us all this night as we go through lack of sleep and anticipation. Amen. 

Branching Off

So after going back and forth between whether to make this blog solely travel related or just have it be my every day outlet.
You've probably figured out I have chosen the latter. I could make another blog and write of my ramblings and musings(sorry sisters, no pun intended), however I just simply don't have it in me at this point and it would make it harder on you, my readers. Heaven forbid I don't think of you. :)

I am very excited about this church  I am attending. It is a mission church that meets at Parker Lutheran High School. They have just begun their building process. How amazing is it going to be later on to say that I was there when it all began? I'm thrilled.So........ I volunteered to teach Sunday School starting this week. I chose middle school because if I have to deal with any more toddlers, I might go insane. It was a give and take decision. I have always thought about teaching Sunday School, nevertheless I will be sad to be missing out on Bible Study each week. I am hoping through getting involved, I can somehow branch out of my social realm even though they are few people my age in the church. My thinking is people know other people, right?

So after my dramatic chop of the bangs.. I am musing about whether to get a perm... I have thought about it many times before, yet as soon as I am about ready to do it, my hair starts to curl wonderfully on its own. Being in Colorado where the humidity is negative four, I think I can finally justify it. I may chicken out considering the most that I've ever done to my hair is cut it....It could be that I am also horrified by stories of my mother destroying my sisters hair giving her a perm....Even professionals are human too!  We shall see what comes of it all. 

People

When you are in a different place alone, you discover many things. I consider myself a thoughtful person most days. By thoughtful, I mean I spend too much of my time thinking. Just ask those that have to deal with the aftermath..they know what can happen :) . I spent a lot of this last year by myself doing various things. I don't mind going out and doing activities alone, yet sometimes it is nice to share thoughts with someone when all is said and done. I go to many of the same places in Parker, see the same people normally at the same time of day. I believe some might call this routine. I interact with the same people most days. Yet, I went to the Farmer's Market this morning and my goodness, I couldn't wait to get out. This was hard for me because normally I love crowds and people. When I was in Portland, my favorite pastime was spent at the Starbucks at Pioneer Square in downtown just watching people. Watching them interact and conduct themselves made me wonder what other people see when they watch me. Not that I particularly care what the people of Portland thought, however, it was a good self reflection. I seem to feel more comfortable sitting in the corner watching from a far rather than being in the middle. What is this? Have I lost my security of being a loner?
Everyone should have a level of comfort in themselves, but where does that cross over into being a hermit? I can see how easily it happens. In conclusion.. I need to start meeting more people or I risk the status of a hermit. :) 

Hot vs. Cold

Some might call me a sentimental type. Wear my heart on my sleeve..emotions written all over my face..have a hard time hiding my feelings..Ok ok, you get the point. However, I do believe I am not dramatic nor alone in my feelings about traveling and sunsets. Lets be honest, few things beat a beautiful sunset. Since my move to Colorado, I have seen more incredible sunsets behind the mountains than I have in my previous 19 years of life. I also enjoyed the few sunsets I stayed up late to see in Norway. (The sun is only down there for about 4-5 hours) So then here is your question. Which is more beautiful, sunset on the beach or sunset behind the mountains? I've seen and been moved by both. As a side note, can I just say "What people see sunsets like I've seen and STILL don't think a God exists." That is so beyond me. Anywho, back on topic. So are you hot or cold? I find myself choosing mountains over beaches because I prefer being cold and snuggled up rather than in minimal clothes on a hot beach. I enjoyed a recent conversation with my friend, Jessica about how she loves living in Alabama because of the beaches and warm weather. I told her how much I love Colorado for the mountains and lots of snow in the winter. We have definitely ended up in the right climates. :) So would you rather travel and see a tropical sunset across the vast waves of the ocean or watch a red/orange sky set behind purple/blue layers of mountains? Me....I'll be content drinking in my mountain sets for quite some time I think..

Coffee

Ah..my beloved drug.
It was a perfect time for me. I was taking my first big trip on my own and my destination was java town USA: Seattle, Washington. I give full credit to my brother, Jake for getting me started. I remember going to Starbucks with him last summer to chat about my recent trip to Norway, rejoicing inside as I ordered the same drink as him. Can the type of coffee drink you order truly give you a good feeling of self worth? In my world, yes. It truly is that simple to please me. :)

Okay, lets back track. I have a distinct memory in my mind of driving to my best friend, Meg's house and she was talking about how she drank coffee with her dad sometimes. I was in shock. Really? How cool and grown up was that!? Coffee was something I always associated with a type of person. It was sophisticated, worldly, and classic. I realized I wasn't too far off with my conclusion when McDonald's came out with their McCafe commercial. It displayed two guys in a coffee shop wearing glasses and scarfs reading books trying to fit a stereotype because they enjoyed coffee. Then thanks to Mac Shac, everyone can now enjoy their cup of joe like the average joe. Click the link to check it out.  McDonalds Coffee Commercial . They weren't far from the truth were there? Coffee is so awesome it actually defines what kind of person you should be. Now that ladies and gents, is power. Also, doesn't what we order say a lot about our personalities as well? For instance, think of all the old men who sit in the cafes or Hardees in the early morning drinking their black coffee solving all the worlds problems. They drink it like they did as kids. It was used to get you going in the morning, not as a pleasure. Then you have those like my mother who has more cream and sugar than coffee so basically you are enjoying a coffee flavored milk drink. The young kids order a Mocha or non drinkers like my father enjoy a smoothie. Then you have those like my brother Jake, who gets an Americano, which just fits his classy nature. My drink of choice? I've evolved from my Mocha days to black coffee with cream. So as I evolved over the past 7 years from drinking java like my mother to being able to order a black coffee with pride, I have concluded coffee is power. It is a reason for people to get together. It allows the small town gossip to be passed, old men to reminence about their glory days and brings old or new friends together. It can even ruin relationships for those who chose the local cafe as a safe place for a broken heart. It acts as that extra fuel for many like the college students cramming for that exam in 5 hours, lawyers trying to crack their case, and even keeps our boss from growing the horns and tail we are positive they have somewhere buried in their soul. Coffee even reaches so far as to be cultural..This however, opens a whole new topic for me. So I leave you with these three words...To be continued...

Types of Traveling

Everyone travels.. You travel to families gatherings, holiday get togethers, travel through history and even travel for vacation. Imagine that :). I mean, even if you are from a small little town like Concordia, Missouri you travel to Branson, Missouri for most family gatherings, holiday get togethers, vacations, camping...you get the picture. So then I guess my point is what does it mean to be a "traveler?" Do you have to travel outside of the country to be say that you have "traveled?" The parents in my new job travel for work quite a bit, yet I have a hard time believing they consider themselves, "travelers." So lets break down these different travelers. Firstly, you have your business travelers who go only for work. You have your home bound/holiday travelers, your vacationers, and finally, you have your adventurous travelers. Have I missed any? So yes, most everyone is a traveler, however what can we call those who are out to discover the world through adventure and experience? Any ideas? I'll have to work on that one....

Where It Started.

   It all started when I started saving all my hard earnings for a trip to Seattle, Washington to see two of my older brothers, Dan and Jake. This marked the beginning of two habits for me. 1. Saving all my earnings to buy a plane ticket somewhere, buying it, and then scraping whatever earnings I had for "spending" money. And always returning home broke and satisfied. 2. My love of traveling. It also marked my addiction for coffee, however, we'll save that for another time.
   I remember having a discussion with my friend, Josh about how I felt like a kid in a candy store whenever I got to travel. Everyone always seems to complain about long layovers and delays at the airport. I say, "bring it on." I mean that just means more time to sit and watch people. And no, I am not that creepy person in the corner staring at everyone. I am the one who laughs with you as you drop your bag for the 10th time or helps keep the mother with 3 kids from leaving a child behind. It is amazing what you can learn from just watching people. If you ever want to learn anything, go sit on a bench in a mall and just watch. It will reveal probably more than you want to know about today's society.
   So from the time I took that first, independent flight to Washington, I caught the "travel bug." Best thing to ever happen to me.  I've never been one to read or learn something in a book when I could possibly do or see it in real life. For instance, I learned more in an afternoon at the Mayan ruins of Tikal in Guatemala than I did in an entire semester of Mr. Beerman's Geography class. So yes, I chose to skip out on college and be a nanny. However, I pray that God allows me to get my education in life and experiences. They seem to stick in my brain more than the square root of pi. ; )