Acceptance

 It has been said that a person can go through a number of stages when dealing with grief. Some experience all of them, some none, and others get stuck in one for an extended period of time. I remember going through them over the past decade while healing from my brother, Luke's death. I remember going through a lot of the stages whenever I dealt with any sort of loss, actually. Sometimes it was a minor change in my life, other times it was something more extensive. Regardless of any amount of healing there was always a final process I went through. Acceptance. You learn to accept the fact of whats happen and then basically you start building anew from there. Sitting here tonight watching one of my favorite TV shows, I realized something. Acceptance gives us that closure to move on and rebuild, however at the same time..its the most heartbreaking moment. For me, acceptance was realizing that I would never see my brother again. I would never see him graduate high school, go to college, get married, get to spoil his children or grow old with him. I really wanted to grow old with him. Acceptance is knowing that whats done was and is final. The way a healing program is set up makes you think the first stages of grief will be the most painful and difficult. The hardest step a person can take is to accept the end of that change. Its like reading a really great book and the ending completing throwing you for a loop. Or a break up you weren't expecting. You have to accept that is how it ends and move on. There is a prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr that is very fitting for the acceptance process.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

  The first part of this poem has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other step program groups. Its quite fitting is it not? Serenity. A state of peace. That is what we seek, right? Yet I can't help but feel almost a panic build up in my soul. I don't want to accept the end. I did not want to accept that Luke had died. I didn't want to find peace. I felt like resolving to the facts meant I was moving on without him. I did not want to move on. Peace meant acceptance. I do not want to accept that I don't have the control. Control.. That a topic for another post..

  As I just re-read Niebuhr's prayer, there were words that stuck out to me. Moment. Peace. Jesus.Trusting. Right. Surrender. Will. Happy. You. Forever.

   Don't let the Devil cause you to panic because you have reached acceptance. Acceptance isn't just a final step and you are done. You LIVE with the acceptance. You have to choose to accept the ending of your challenge every single day. Some days, it won't be conscious. If you ever run into a day where you don't feel like you can accept the conclusion to that story, say a prayer. Say Niebuhr's prayer. Trust and surrender yourself and know He is taking care of you. Now and forever.