Realizations

The new year has brought many new realizations into my life. Some are enlightening, some painful and others just plain humbling. New people have come into my life and others have left. Life has taken on new meaning. So far, the past 11 days have been those of peace and contentment. I'm stronger in my faith and
have begun to take steps to become the person God created me to be.

Yesterday marked the day my older brother, Luke died. Ten years seems like an eternity when you look at it in a futuristic way. However, looking at how fast the past ten years have gone, a decade is nothing. Wow. 10 years. It was an ok day. I am always prepared for those few days out of the year. It's the days that I remember a lost memory or see an old picture that are the hardest. I was blessed to be close to my parents and little brother this year and went home for celebratory spaghetti and root beer. After watching an exciting basketball game from my alma mater, we went to the cemetery. Boom. Then it hit me. My parents arrived seconds after my little brother, Seth and I did. We each said our peace or memories and then after a few minutes of silence, my parents departed. Seth and I couldn't seem to move. We just stood there in the fog, consumed by the past ten years. We talked a little, cried a little more and eventually allowed ourselves to walk away as Seth placed a bottle of root beer beside the statue of a deer next to the words Luke Dahlke.
I ve reached new ground in healing this year. I have told myself every idea of coping possible. And I do truly believe time heals everything. Yet... Maybe not in the way I thought. Time allows for acceptance of the pain, but maybe the pain never truly goes away. I once told a friend it was like a cut that you continue to pick at once it scabs. It eventually heals, but the scar tissue still aches when the weather changes. It's always there just not always noticeable.

When I was at my sisters last weekend, my nephew kept asking his dad, "Is today tomorrow?" My brother in laws response was always, "today is yesterday and tomorrow is tomorrow." I love that. It keeps the days moving and time flowing.

A final thought for this oddly random post. Peace. I pray for peace in everyone's life. Whether its peace of mind or that of heart, I pray for your peace.