Irrepressible Good

      

Yesterday afternoon someone I care for very much, hurt me. Hurt me in a completely thoughtless and cowardly way. So I spent today hurting. Not like that dull ache that comes and goes when you are sad or missing someone. The hurt that left me temporarily curled up in my bed not able to really move or comprehend reality. A hurt that three years ago, would have led me to the darkest corners of my heart and mind. We all have those corners. They are scary places to unintentionally find yourself. So out of some heavenly gates, my people showed up. One after another, they called, they crawled into bed with me, held me, let me cry and validated every pin sticking in my heart. I found myself laying there thinking that if this happened three years ago, I wouldn't have told them I was hurting. I would have just laid in misery, telling myself I deserved everything I was getting. I would have believed I had done something wrong. I would have lived in doubt, guilt shame and fear.
So today, amidst a really, really hard day, I learned something about myself I would never acknowledge before. I am worth loving.

     Let it be known I live the largest chunk of my life as a grand optimist. I try and see the good in even the worst of situations, regardless of how messy it might be. Sometimes it takes me a little longer than others to find it, but most would agree, I am a pretty good at digging it up.

   I believe that we as people are good. A theologist somewhere and a whole hoot of others will come after me for saying that, but I do, in the very heart of my being, believe that. We were originally made perfect as per design but fell into utter brokenness. So whether we are broken first or good first, take it to mentioned theologist.

  Here is my case. If we choose as a human race to stop seeing good in people, what, I ask, what is the friggin' point? People make thee most horrible and unimaginable decisions possible because they live in a broke world. They cant help it. Myself included. I have done and said things that have hurt others and myself. Nothing you or I do will fix that. But what we can do, is set each other up to thrive. If we fail, we made a bad decision. That doesn't mean from there on out, we will continue to do so. But if we pigeon hole each other after a bad decision, we re all doomed. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." My version of that is "Fine, shame on me twice, but please for the love of a merciful God, do not do this to anyone else." Learn from your decisions, whether they be good or bad. Because I promise you, every single one you make.. effects someone. I saw the greatest good in this person that hurt me. Yet when it came down to it, they made a really bad decision. And it effected me A TON. But I know in my heart this person is good. I experienced it. Knew it. Was familiar with it. This does not mean they get to remain in my life, but it does mean I somehow still believe that they can follow up a bad decision with a good one later on. Even if I never get to experience it again. Let me point out, no amount good fixes the brokenness. Its impossible so don't try. Just counter it. Push for balance because man, you guys, misery sucks. Real, real bad. If you don't believe you have that goodness in you, come pay me a visit. Ill find it. Apparently to a fault. A blindsiding fault.

  Our good is irrepressible. Its in there somewhere hidden between other broken pieces. I have to believe good comes regardless of brokenness or else I get too burdened by it. Especially today. Investment in people's good can leave you hurt. My sister has always told me that. Sometimes we hurt those we love the most. It comes with loving people. It comes with being a human being. It comes with this life. At least in mine it does. I can't seem to believe the worst even when its staring at me directly in the face. Which is why we all need people. They re pretty good at standing guard for us.

   My dad told me this once when I was in those dark corners :"Its a bad day, babe. Not a bad life." I hated him in that moment because I wanted more than just one day to be miserable. :) So take your days, take your moments, but please get back up and keep fighting. We need your good. Even if its with some bad and brokenness. I guess tomorrow I will get up and go find myself another broken fool with buried good.