How Did You Know?

There is going to be a time in the future when someone asks me, "Where did this all come from? How did you know?" I will shake my head in disbelief and say, "It started with a book."

Kisses from Kate. Written by Katie Davis. This book very well could change my life forever. Want to know the real catch? I haven't even read it yet!! My sister, Ang visited last week and she kept talking about this great book her friend recommended. Hearing bits and pieces of it, I knew it was something special. Fast forward less than a week. My sister Sarah read the book in 24 hours and 48 hours after that is in the process of adopting a family in Haiti. Ramblings of a Momaholic. Read her last 2 entries with dry eyes, I dare you. Pray for her and her family. They are embarking on a beautiful journey.

The past few months I have had this restlessness in my heart that I have not been able to vocalize until now. I didn't know what it was. It was just dull enough to be annoying but something I could go on with my daily life without having it interfere. I am not sure I have ever wanted to go to church more than once a week in my life. Ever. Church is boring and repetitive and rarely do we ever walk away with anything "new." Right? Well no, that is not true, it just seems like that sometimes. I had a spell like that followed by me being able to absorb every single word being said. Every.Single.Word. I kept getting hit left and right with Jesus' words and demands for my life. This led me to frustration and a whole roller coaster of new emotions. This went on and on for the past month plus. The last 48 hours seems as if God turned on the light and now my eyes are just trying to adjust to all that He has laid out for me. My heart has always been drawn to missions. I just never knew how to really process the thought of me actually leaving my home and the country and live and breath my faith. It was always "when I have money, or when I get bored with nannying, or when there is an opportunity." Well I all of a sudden don't have a single reason in the world not to. And opportunity? My family is connected and intertwined with the mission field so much its a little scary. So why not? I realize now that feeling I was having was a tugging at my heart for something to come. 48 hours ago, I got a shove and now my heart and ears are tuned in. I am just waiting to see what God will tell me. But here I am. Here I am, Lord, send me..send me. I came home to get back on my feet after last year. I burned some bridges in the process that breaks my heart so much sometimes I can't hold back the tears. I know now in my heart that even that was for a purpose, no matter how much it hurt. So tonight I emailed the Rodewald Family. They are in charge of the missions society in Africa. What snowballs after this, I know not. I am scared. Terrified. Not of the unknown, but for the courage to do what is asked of me. I have shied away too many times when God asked for me. Not this time. You have all of me, Lord. This is it. Well.. I really should go read that book that changed my life..