Fickle.
Fick-le
[Fick-uhl]
adjective
1.likely to change, especially due to caprice, irresolution, or instability; casually changeable: fickle weather.
2.not constant or loyal in affections: a fickle lover. (dictionary.com)
I feel like this is all my heart does. I consider myself a passionate person. I throw a lot of excitement and joy into most things I do. I am also a follower. I do what I am told and try not to upset the peace..at least I feel like that is what I do.. in my own little world. Maybe not.. I guess that depends on what part of my world you are a part of. As of late I have found my heart desiring missions and to serve God in and through that. I am so very excited and blessed to be in a position that I have the opportunity to make that a reality. God willing, I will be in Africa in another year plus.
That being said.. my fickle heart is hurting. A different part of my heart. A part I said goodbye to. How can one be so at war with themselves. How could I let something so wonderful go? Why is it when I am finally given something I have wanted for a very long time, I CHOOSE to let it go? I know the answers to these... deep down in my heart I do know them, but today..I don't want to accept them. They aren't good enough. Lord, hold my broken heart tonight as I try and understand the desires You have for me....my fickle heart wants more. It misses its piece. I am lost between knowing what you ask of me and wanting to give into my own desires. Keep me humble and my eyes on You as to not cause more pain to him that I already have...my prayer is peace for both.
No comments:
Post a Comment