Grace in Ungracious Places

I have never felt a huge connection with my namesake. I would always laugh as I stumble around with spilt coffee and leftover lunch down my shirt and think, "I may very well be thee least graceful person I ve ever met." It wasn't until I stood silently in my parents kitchen as the one of many tears rolled off my cheeks that I finally caught a glimpse of true grace. Not of myself but of the purest and truest form of love God gives His children.
As the words of scripture are read from my dad's lips, I begin to understand. My weakness is when God's grace shines the brightest.

I am so very hard on myself when it comes to my shortcomings. I think we all are to a degree. I began a journey of recovery this evening and it I've never believed more that God's grace is truly sufficient. Bless my parents. Ever so patient and kind when it comes to me. I so desperately want to understand and be understood. I want it all to make sense. I want to let go. I want to be heard. I want to not stand and nod when Im screaming on the inside. I want my pride to ask for help. I want to stop calling myself crazy. I just want to be. I don't know what it means to be though. To be and be still. To allow myself to receive the grace so graciously given. However, when all of that is stuck inside me with no words to say, I become this cavity of emotional turmoil. The battle begins in my heart and takes over my brain. It blurs everything and I only feel the painful reminder of healed wounds and deep scar tissue. I consider this an ungracious place.

Time and time again as Christians, we go through this process of "knowing" God and feeling a "connection" with Him through our walk of faith. The instant gratification that my generation has so openly embraced plays a big role. Once I remember feeling so satisfied in church because they made me feel such a close "connection" with God. Then later felt upset because the feel good went away. The good vibes I created were only temporary. Gods grace however, is not. His type of feel good comes in those most ungracious of times. I have been listening to a lot of Christian radio lately and heard something that has really stuck with me. "Sometimes God redeems us from our struggles, and sometimes He redeems us through our struggles." That, my friends, is grace in ungracious places.

As I begin this journey of discovering true grace, my prayer for you is to allow those arms of love so waiting and willing to be encircled around your heart. And I pray you are able to receive your grace given in your ungracious times.