Be.

The struggle is real, my friends. 

What struggles are real, you ask.  Mornings? Routine? Exercise? Life? Faith? Love? Happiness? All of the above and more?? Pick one. I am lying here in bed as the children snooze silently on our second to last night on our Disney Cruise to the Caribbean. I'll be honest, I was nervous before we left 6 days ago. I have traveled with my nanny family before, but never like this. My first time on a cruise, along with all of us in unfamiliar territory. We were also traveling with three OTHER families besides ours. On a boat. In the middle of the ocean. You can see my hesitation. I knew it d be a great trip, I just didn't know where the great would come from. The great came from the humid air filling my lungs as we landed in Florida on day one. The great came from the sun baking my skin to a crisp because of the clear skies we had every single day. The great came in the taste of salt water going down my nose in the Virgin Islands as I swam in the ocean. The great came in the richest form of food in my belly served by people from all over the world. The great came as I stood on the top deck with the wind blowing so hard my ears rang and there was nothing but water and sky for hundreds of miles. The great really came as I rolled over laughing with my boss while the kids talked a mile a minute when the sugar highs hit their veins. They said some of the most hilarious stuff. Where do they come up with it?? The great came in parading three 4year old princesses around the ship in their ball gowns for all to see. The great came in the form of a raspberry mojito and a conversation with a lovely looking South African bartender. ;) (Am I right?!??) 

I could go on and on about all the amazing greats this trip held for me. Truly, it has been one of the most fun weeks I have had in years. I am so honored my family values me so much to include me in their adventures and life happenings. I was, however, surprised. I was surprised of what I didn't feel. All these amazing things were happening to me and I was seeing such beautiful creations of God, yet... I didn't feel much of anything in that regard. I was overwhelmed by the beauty but not by the maker. And honestly... I think maybe that is ok? I might be off track here, but I think the greatest part of my trip was that I could just... Be. There was no weight of redemption or salvation on my heart or mind. No struggle of being holy in an unholy world. Nothing. I just lived and breathed. I think I got so caught up in the fine tuning of my faith and life back home that I forgot to just be. I do believe in Christ. And I do love Jesus. That's all I needed this past week. I wasn't trying to be a better lover of Jesus or my fellow believers. I wasn't trying to prove to myself or anyone that I have what it takes to fight the good fight. (Which is dumb because it's already been won,but you get my point.) I just believed and it was enough. At first, I was concerned. Why wasn't I feeling this amazing closeness to God as I witness his glory?! Is this a sign of a lack of faith?? Is this a heart issue? I had so many questions and then bam. I just shut it all down. Be. Sometimes.. Just being is enough. And sometimes, it's ok to just let God love you from where you are. Near or far. So don't question your faith or heart if you sometimes find yourself exactly where you re at. I can almost promise you, that's right where you need to be.