The Playlist

So last week I went for a run. It was one of those that carried all the weight of the world. The one where the music was so loud, you felt as if your ear drums were going to rupture. The run that pounded out all the uncontrollable emotions every time your feet hit the pavement. It was going to be brutal and I knew it. I had put together a running playlist on Spotify filled with songs that carried some of the weight but also ones that would push me to keep going. As I placed my earbuds in and turned down the sidewalk, I felt the first song fill my ears and travel through my veins. As my feet picked up speed, I felt my lip quiver and my heart flutter as the emotions traveled side by side with the oxygen through my body. I kept hearing the voice in my head screaming as "Jungle" by the X-Ambassadors sang words into my ears. I hurt. Everywhere. I couldn't think. My brain was so clouded. "What the hell are you doing?!????" was all my brain kept screaming at me. 

I didn't know. I couldn't answer this question the week before and now was no different.  What was I doing? Who was I? How did I reach this point again? Ugh... Music gets turned up louder as I just keep going. New song. Oh crap.. This one was a killer. Damn you, Ellie Goulding and your beautiful lyrics. "Anything can happen.." Pfft. Yeah, well clearly!! As I cursed every song that filled my ears, I found myself circling out of my neighborhood. 

Music has always been special to me. I think it has a similar effect on everyone which is why it's so universal. There is something in it that allows us to store our emotion. I can be a complete wreck and listen to a song and just dump all said emotions into the song and somehow feel better. It's incredible. So there I was. Pounding and pouring all my unbearable emotions into this playlist. I kept running til I couldn't anymore. Then I stopped and would turn and look around me for clarity. It didn't come so I would go again, hoping it d clear. Eventually, I found myself on the front porch of my brother in laws. I knocked and they seemed surprised to see me there a sweaty, emotional mess. We had some good talks followed by my ever remaining question, "What the hell am I doing??" 

A week has gone by. Clarity finally showed up in the form of a light blue Gatorade and a Sunday morning sermon. 

So today...I went for a run. It was one of those runs where you had no idea if it would be good or bad. Level playing field to start off. No overbearing emotions but still some in there that could stew up. I put my ear buds in as the first song from last weeks playlist filled my head. I stretched and smiled as I felt the beat pick up tempo. Let's go. So off I went. And people... It was one of the best runs I have ever had.(Coming from one of the worst runners in history.)

Every song that carried so much weight last week only filled me with sweet memories and moments now. Remembering how the words cut before helped them soar today. This is one of the reasons I play songs and playlists on repeat. When I'm happy and when I'm sad. Songs carry weight. Emotion. Power. I smiled as I made my last loop to come to the end of my block. The song that brought me to tears last week rang in my ears the rest of tonight. It was a sweet reminder of the temporary. I talked about happiness being temporary in my last blog. Well so is misery. 

  Cheers!