I wish

  I have wished for a lot of things in my life. Wishing is something I feel so so about. Part of me tells me wishing is a selfish act done because we aren't satisfied with what we have. The other part of me says wishing is a gateway to hopes and dreams, which I think is a wonderful thing. Today is my brother, Luke's birthday. He would have turned 26 , but he will forever be 16. Sweet 16. What an age to go out on. I have for the past decade suppressed a lot of my very real emotions about my brother's death(see previous post), so I am going to try and be honest without feeling bad. For some reason I felt like I knew better than to feel sad or angry so I tried to shut it off and throw it away. So for today, I am going to allow myself a wish list for Luke. These are the wishes I wished for you the last ten years you weren't able to blow out your own candles.
1. I wish you could have gone hunting this weekend for opening season.
2. I wish you could have been there for Isaac and Katrina's wedding. He really wanted you there.
3. I wish you could meet children someday. Them not being able to know you will be such a shame.
4. I wish you could see how tall Seth has got. He's bigger than you now.
5. I wish I could beat you at hand and foot.
6. I wish I could remember what your laugh sounded like.. It was the greatest laugh.
7. I wish you were still here..
8. I wish we could go out and have a real "brewsky" together instead of the ever faithful root beer.
9. I wish you were able to give me advice on my life. You always seemed to handle me with such calm and patience.
10. Somedays..I wish I would have come down to California sooner.. I wish I would have been down there to see you one last time. I never knew you with your fresh new heart, however, I knew you with the biggest heart.

Next week will be ten years. One decade. 3,650 days since I walked out of that hospital room. We'll save that for another day. Today is a celebration. Today we get to enjoy the 16 years of memories and laughs you were here. Today we get to tell how you lived.